Don't Hold Your Breath

I loved this:

...by grabbing tissues and toothpicks, they are holding back the forces of communism. I dimly recall – but have not been able to confirm - that Lenin held up free condiments as an example of the way goods could be free and yet not rationed. It is up to right-thinking people to prove him wrong by walking off with the entire stock.

By grabbing toothpicks, your friends are chipping away not only at bits of salad but at the ideological foundations of communism. They deserve your support.

Now, whenever someone offers me the opportunity to free-ride at his own expense, I can take him to the cleaners with a clear conscience, for the sake of our precious bodily fluids.